Older people can enjoy great sex but it starts with believing it’s possible — and communicating when you need to adapt your approach.
LWA-Dann Tardif/Getty Images
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LWA-Dann Tardif/Getty Images
Older people can enjoy great sex but it starts with believing it’s possible — and communicating when you need to adapt your approach.
LWA-Dann Tardif/Getty Images
A lot of people anticipate enjoying their golden years – but what does that look like? Time for hobbies, travel, spoiling your grandkids? What about great sex?
A study published last month in The Gerontologist looks at how well our sexual expectations match up with reality over time.
This story was adapted from the April 30 edition of NPR Health, a newsletter covering the science of healthy living. To get more stories like this delivered to your in-box, click here to subscribe.
As part of the MIDUS (Midlife in the US) study, hundreds of partnered adults ages 45 and up were asked to rate how satisfying they expected their sex lives to be 10 years in the future. Researchers then checked in with the participants a decade later.
Their findings seem to demonstrate the power of positive thinking.
Participants who were optimistic about their sex lives reported having significantly more frequent and more satisfying sex than those who had lower expectations. Also, “sexually optimistic” individuals who acquired physical limitations they didn’t have ten years before – such as pain that made it harder to lift groceries or exercise – reported having more frequent sex than people who had lower sexual expectations and no such limitations.
Natalie Wilton, a therapist who specializes in senior sexuality, says it’s no surprise that people feel pessimistic about sex as they age.
“As a society, we buy into a lot of those really dangerous tropes and stereotypes, which make it very difficult for older adults to feel open about talking about sex. Like that dirty old man’s stereotype, or the woman as a cougar, or even kind of infantilizing. We see two older adults and we’ll be like, oh, cute! They’re holding hands, right? Or when they do anything related to sex, we’re like, oh, that’s weird.”
She says these kinds of norms discourage discussion of healthy sexuality for older folks, which can hold them back when they may need to adapt their approach in bed.

Wilton helps clients navigate the changes in their bodies – and keep their sex lives thriving. “I’m always amazed at how people are surprised about talking about sex and older adults, like it’s always this great revelation,” she says. “If something was really good right now, why would you want it to stop?”
With some adjustments, she says, there’s no reason to leave sexual satisfaction in the past. Here’s some of her advice.
1. Slow your roll
One big piece of advice she offers is planning for more time for sex. As we age, our sexual response cycle – the time it takes to become aroused before and between